The emotional roller coaster associated with adolescence
often leads to overly dramatic reactions over seemingly minor
events. Whether it’s the latest drama related to an on-again off-again
romantic relationship or a meltdown over the latest social media comment,
many teens seem to experience a daily crisis of some sort.
You can likely blame some of the teenage drama on biology.
Brain development and hormonal shifts often lead to major mood swings.
Turning every minor issue into a major public crisis can
also stem from a desire to get attention. And other times, dramatic reactions
result as teens explore various ways to express their emotions.
The way you respond to a teen’s dramatic presentation will
either add fuel to the fire, or help your teen calm down. These strategies can
help you address teenage drama most effectively:
1. Use Reflective
Listening
Avoid jumping in to solve the problem right away. Giving
unsolicited advice is only likely to make the situation worse. Use reflective
listening to show that you’re trying to understand the facts about the
situation.
2. Validate Your
Teen’s Feelings
Even if you don’t think your teen’s latest problem
constitutes a crisis, avoid telling her she’s overreacting. Instead, validate
your teen's feelings by saying something such as, “I can see you’re really
angry about what happened at lunch today.” Helping your teen label her feelings
– and then validating them – can often be instrumental in helping a teen see
the situation rationally.
3. Stay Calm
Matching your teen’s level of emotion – by yelling or
expressing frustration – will make the situation worse. Whether your teen is
completely panicked over the latest rumour, or she insists her life is ruined
because you’ve said she can’t go out on Friday night, it's essential to stay
calm.
Avoid engaging in a heated discussion. If your teen is yelling
or behaving disrespectfully, tell her you’re happy to talk about it when she
can do so in an appropriate manner. Step outside, take a deep breath, or agree
to revisit the conversation later.
4. Teach Emotion
Regulation Skills
Explain that it’s okay to feel angry, worried, and sad, but
make it clear that intense feelings don’t excuse bad behaviour. Teach your
teen to be in control of her emotions so her emotions don’t control her. Spend
time teaching anger management skills and emotion regulation skills so she
can find healthy ways to deal with her feelings.
5. Encourage
Problem-Solving
Teach problem-solving skills by brainstorming solutions
together. For example, if she’s convinced she’s never going to pass high school
because she failed a test, discuss what she can do to increase the likelihood
that she’ll be able to pass. Talk about her choices and the steps she can take.
6. Boost Your Teen’s
Skills
A teen who isn’t sure how to strike up a conversation may
immerse herself in the drama as a way to get attention.
Similarly, a teen who isn’t sure how to deal with
loneliness, may create drama to get attention. Take notice of your teen’s skill
deficits and be willing to teach new communication skills, conflict resolution
skills, and anger management skills.
As your teen’s self-confidence grows, her desire to get
caught up in the drama will also likely decrease. Get her involved in lots of
different activities as well. A busy teen will have less time to create drama.
7. Foster Gratitude
Dramatic reactions often stem from a sense of injustice –
real or imagined. Fostering a sense of gratitude in your teen can help her
focus on what she has, rather than demanding she deserves better.
Teach your
teen to notice all the positive things going on in her life and you’ll likely
reduce the drama fast.
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