From hormones to peer
pressure, a number of issues can stop a young person from working effectively.
So, if there is a problem, it’s possibly nothing to do with you. But to be
sure, run your eyes over this checklist of motivational gems otherwise known as
the top 10 shortcuts to producing suffering and underachievement in your
teenager.
Negative hypnotic suggestions: “You’ll kick
yourself when you open that letter!”
By depicting the hard
world that awaits all slackers (homeless, poverty, and social exclusion) you
hope to kick your teenager into action. Maybe your teen will reward you by
staring a bit at the computer screen, but they will relapse again. Why? The problem
is that you have painted a vivid image of failure in your teenagers mind, one to
which their unconscious mind may become deeply attached.
Loose warnings: “You’ll never get a proper job
if you carry on like this.”
Warnings can only
motivate if they are specific. You are going on about vague terms! Attitude
matter more than where you went and what you got. Well, luckily your teen has
got plenty of attitude.
Labels: “You’re lazy!”
Underlying issue like
a study block, difficulty with the subject or a personal conflict will remain unidentified
and therefore disruptive if labels are just thrown around. The most you can say
if you’ve noticed that your teen hasn’t done much revision is that you’ve
noticed that they haven’t done much revision.
Condescension: “You don’t know the meaning of
hard work!”
To an adult, teenager’s
experiences may be laughable, but to a teenager they are real. You job is to
bridge that gap and find out why they might be slamming doors and
procrastinating. And don’t expect them to know.
Comparisons: “Your little sister’s got her act
together!”
Perhaps you think it’s
a good idea to encourage your teenager to notice how much better others are doing.
But the best way to help is to mind your own business and support your
teenager. A young person who knows that their parents love isn’t conditional on
exam results will be confident and single-minded.
Carrots/sticks: “I will/won’t buy you that nice
car if you pass/fail.”
Rewards and
punishments are flip sides of the same coin, betraying that you regard
education as intrinsically dull or pointless and that you’re desperate about grades.
Emotional blackmail: “I’m happy so long as you
do your best.”
Attaching your
well-being to your teenager’s performance can only be ethical if you’re
offering to pay their bills for rehab!
Disparaging time off: “Shouldn’t you be
working?”
Revision has to be the
most demanding of all desk jobs. Without time off, people also under-perform because
leaning is consolidated through breaks and sleep. By now you probably suspect
that there’s nothing you can say without being held responsible for your
teenager’s academic downfall. But most parents have one more trick up their
sleeve…
Giving them “The Look”
I saw that.
Why is the revision
planner that you provided your teenager with in March still totally blank?
Well, read these you should NEVER say and find out what you have done wrong.
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