It's every teen's worst nightmare: their
parents announce they're moving. New town, new friends, and last but not
least, a new school. While transitions like this can be tough at any age,
for teenagers it can seem like the end of the world is at hand. Doors slam,
tears spill and many parents might start to worry whether moving schools will
send their teen into a downward spiral that'll drain their self-esteem, grades and
even alter their lifelong success and happiness.
We won't sugar-coat it: Moving schools is
indeed tough on teens!
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How you involve your teen in this life
change can make a big difference to how they well they adjust. Here's some
advice to smooth the transition:
1. Tell your teen as soon as possible. Don't put off telling your child about the change to avoid
stressing them out. Having time to process the information will help your teen
to make peace with the decision. It also allows them to say good-bye to friends
and teachers.
2. Hear their worst fears. Whatever you do, don't completely blow off their concerns. Telling
teens 'It's not a big deal' will result in frustration and anger because, to
them, it is a HUGE deal! Instead, ask them to explain what they're most afraid will
happen at the new school. It's usually the case that children who don't want to
change schools create worst possible scenario events to protest the forced
change and justify their resistance. So hear them out, and offer some reality
checks.
3. Stage a send-off celebration. To help bring closure for your teen, ask them if they want to
have a going-away party or weekend get-together with their close friends. Saying
good-bye is never easy, but turning it into an actual event can help.
4. Give your teen as much decision-making power as
possible. Since your kid may feel as if he
has no say about this move, it can help to grant them some kind of control
where you can. There may be small decisions that your teen can make, like what
classes to take. Include them in visiting the school beforehand and taking a
tour.
5. Forge new friendships before school starts. Try to make connections with the new school and classmates
prior to the first day of school. It's always great to start the first day when
you know a couple of people already.
6. Help your child stay in touch with old friends,
too. Just because your child has moved
doesn't mean his old friends no longer matter. Facilitate the maintenance of
relationships with friends from former school with face-to-face visits,
Facebook, WhatsApp, and phone calls. In other words, this may be one time to
loosen those restrictions on phone and screen time if their goal is to stay in
touch with pals.
7. Let your child vent. When your teen is expressing negative comments about the new
school, don't rush to present countering arguments. Your child is not being
logical; they are expressing their emotions. Spend some time allowing them to
tell you everything they don't like about the new school.
Ask your teen about the differences between
the old school and the new school. What do they like better, what do they not
like as much? Don't immediately offer solutions; rather allow your child to
process his or her experience. This will help them resolve inner conflict and
move forward to adapting to the new school.
Was moving schools traumatic for your
teenager? What steps would you add to make the move easier?
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