As a parent of a teenager, you’re
frequently walking a fine line between letting your child have independence and
keeping a close eye on him to ensure he’s not in any trouble. There’s a good
possibility you’ve already heard at least once from your teen that you’re “not
giving him any privacy!”
And, while it’s true, a teenager deserves a
little privacy from prying eyes as he navigates his way into adulthood, there’s
a difference between mindful parenting and snooping.
Aim for the former, avoid the latter and
you’ll be sure to give your teen plenty of privacy without having to worry
24/7.
Be
Up Front about ‘Checks and Balances’
It’s not snooping to review social media
use (including being “friends” or “following” them on various sites),
check out cell phone text messages, and verify your teen’s location. Rather
than snoop for this information, tell your child upfront that you expect to
have access to this material.
Additionally, going into your teen’s room
to put away clothes, pick up laundry and complete other chores is not snooping
– but you need to make that fact clear to your child regularly, too. The key is
for both of you to be on the same page about what privacy your teen is entitled
to and what information and activities you’ll regularly be privy to.
Also, let him know that if “private”
material is left out on the open, you’ll assume that it’s available for
everyone in the household to see or read.
Stay
Away from Snooping
The most logical reason for snooping is
because you have an inkling that there’s something going on with your teen that
he doesn’t want you to know about it. Rather than spying, though, start a
conversation with your child. Be prepared for denial or silence, but at least
the dialogue has begun.
Deciding to snoop before talking to your
teen demonstrates a lack of trust and respect. The best parenting strategy is
to model the behaviour you desire – not behaviour that fosters
resentment and distrust.
Offer
Moderate Privacy with Friends and Dates
For most parents, it’s obvious that you
wouldn’t allow your teenage daughter and her boyfriend to have total privacy in
her bedroom with the doors closed all night long. However, respect that she
wants to watch a movie in the living room without the watchful eye of her
father or her little sister.
Set ground rules, that align with your
values, such as dates are welcome in your home, but any closed doors are off-limits.
With friends, be a little more relaxed.
Check in with the group periodically, but allow them to enjoy each other’s
company without too much intrusion. If you overhear a topic of discussion that
concerns you, don’t burst in.
Instead, pull your teen aside at the
appropriate time and share what you heard. This allows your teen to give you
the whole picture of what they were discussing—it might be a less concerning
than you thought.
In just a few years, your teen will be a
full-fledged adult, and this is the time that they’re learning how to make
appropriate decisions on their own. Give them the privacy to do so, but
encourage them to come to you if they want any guidance.
A teen who thinks he’s being spied or
snooped on will just go to further lengths to hide both dangerous and innocuous
information from you. An open environment, however, will go a lot further in
fostering a healthy parent-teen relationship.
Looking for a learning centre that can offer your child on the best learning resources and teachers? Visit the Assisted Learning Centre in Fish Hoek or contact us today!
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