Parents often tell teens, “Don’t drink,” or “It’s bad to
cheat on a test,” but the conversations about values often don’t go much
further than that. Most parents have never really stopped to think about what
types of values they want to instil in their teen, let alone how to instil
those values.
The adolescent years are an especially formative time in
terms of establishing values.
Teens are beginning to cement their own value systems, and
sometimes these values are different from those of their parents.
Throughout their childhood, teens have learned a lot about
what their parents’ value by observing them. They see their parents navigate
the world, interact with other people and make important decisions every day.
Although many parents may talk about what they value, teens learn much more
about their parents’ value systems based on the behaviour they observe, rather
than the words they hear.
Of course, most parents want their children to have strong
ethics and morals, but often, instilling the qualities they want their child to
have can take a backseat to life’s other issues. However, it’s essential to
take time to examine what values you really want your child to learn.
Why It’s Important
for Teens to Understand Their Values
Teens are at a critical point in their lives.
Many of the decisions made during adolescence impact them
for the rest of their lives. It’s essential for teens to understand which
values they want to guide their choices. Here are some examples of how values
influence the decisions teens make:
Career Path –
Choosing a career path often involves tough decisions. Your teen may need to
decide whether to pursue a career that offers more money or a career that helps
people.
College Choice –Your
teen may need to choose between a prestigious college and a school that is
close to home. Or, he may have to decide between a college that costs a lot of
money and a less expensive community school. Your teen’s values about money,
family and achievement can influence this decision.
Friendships – Who
your teen chooses to become friends with is often based on finding people with
similar values. A teen who lacks clear values may be easily influenced by the
wrong crowd. Your teen will need to decide where friends fall on the priority
list in life.
Work Ethic – A
teen who greatly values hard work may spend weekends and vacations studying or
working at a part-time job. A teen who doesn’t value work as much, may spend
time with friends or family. It’s important for teens to have a clear sense of
how much they value work in their lives.
Free Time – Your
teen’s choices about how to spend his free time will largely be based on his
values. If he values friends, he may choose to spend that time with his
buddies. If he values work, he may choose to get a part-time job.
Romantic
Relationships – The decisions teens make in their romantic
relationships are largely based on their values. Your teen’s values will play a
large role in how much time he spends with a romantic interest and whether to
engage in sexual activity, for example.
Teaching your teen the underlying reasons for your rules is
one of the best ways to ensure that he makes good choices when you’re not
around. For example, avoid saying, “Don’t do that because I said so.”
Otherwise, when you’re not there he may choose to do those things. Instead,
warn him about the potential consequences of his behaviour. If he has a good
understanding of why he shouldn’t do certain things, he’s less likely to become
reckless as he gains more freedom.
Your teen doesn’t necessarily have to adopt the exact same
values as you. In fact, part of growing up often includes rejecting certain
values. But if you’ve instilled a strong ethical character in your teen, his
moral compass may only differ slightly from your value system. Keep in mind
that as he continues to grow and change, his values will continue to develop as
well.
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